Thursday, July 25, 2013

Losing the friends who know your heart - Proverbs 17:17

Proverbs 17:17  
A true friend 
of the situation…

It has been a 
year for me. 

Between January and April, three of the people who knew my heart died. 

The friendships are irreplaceable.

 I’m grieving deep losses...

I don’t have many close friends.

Oh I know and love lots of people. Many people know me. I also have many acquaintances, 

but there are 

only a handful of people in my “angel circle.”

Friendships have always been difficult for me to develop and to maintain. Possibly because I live a deep internal life. Personality tests have confirmed it. But I don't know really. 

That’s the truth and that’s the reason I treasure the people closest to me.  

I care very deeply about those people who enter my angel circle.

Now that three of them are physically gone, I find myself unsure of what to do.

These people knew my history even though one only knew me for a decade and one lived several states away for most of our 30+ year friendship.

Yet they knew me and they loved me. 

They were the ones I wanted to 
share my heart with, 
to laugh with. 

They knew me. Oh, they knew me. They knew my heart. 

We didn't talk frequently, but I knew their heart beats and voices were a phone call or trip away. 

When I saw their faces, I was home.

Now I move on.

How to do open the doors of my heart for others?

I’m quietly pondering.

Deep friendships are gifts from God.

Thankfully, He is my best friend. 

Monday, July 8, 2013

Remembering my mother.

July 9, 2013

The best thing about being 77 is being 78. 

Those were Mother’s slurred words the year she turned 77 in 2011. We celebrated her birthday at the nursing home. She passed away in late 2012.

I kept a small journal and I blogged about our journey together. As I look back, I can thank God for giving me the honor of taking the journey alongside Mother. I found strength I didn't know I had to spend long hours in emergency rooms, ICUs, hospital and nursing home rooms. 

I become an adept itinerant sojourner as I accompanied Mom in our quest to make her comfortable. She never lost her ability to understand and listen to me, but it was difficult to understand her words.

My older brother directed the medical maze and details, and it was up to me to make sure the spiritual symphony played the most comfortable melodies. Over several years, everything was discussed, all was forgiven, and nothing was left under the table. We prayed.

I became Mother’s personal pastoral caregiver. At the beginning of her journey, I often thought that I should call one of the many members of the clergy I know. 

But it was my role. 

It was a role that the Lord planned for me. A gift the Lord gave me for my mother.

I remember Lala on her 79th birthday. I remember her tender smile. I remember her tender words: I love you.

Love you back, Mom. See you in a while. 

Happy Birthday!

These posts record some of our journey.