Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Trusting God with my broken heart - Psalm 112:7


Psalm 112:7  (The Voice)
They will not be afraid when the news is bad because they have resolved to trust the Eternal. 

“You will lose someone you can’t live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.”
― 
Anne Lamott


Words pulled together in a string of sentences have the ability to shakeup lives. The sentences above did just that to me.  Feelings, stories, blog posts, conversations with God and rants have crossed my brain over the last nine months, but they refused to be permanently recorded until today.
The fact is: My heart is broken. It’s broken in a million tiny pieces that can never be put together the exact same way.
Five people I dearly love moved into eternity during the last nine months. All this happened after I broke my ankle.
One died unexpectedly. Three were terminally ill. One was murdered.
I learned about two of these deaths on the same day...
I will never completely get over the loss of my beloveds.  But like my broken ankle that will never heal perfectly, my life has continued imperfectly without them. 
There’s a stark quietness that envelops my heart…I want to choke.
I want to cry out with a big, “Why?” But there is no response.
There is no answer.
I move on.
And then I remember.

I trust God.